Maybe i do want to be held back. To actually have something that would hold me back every once in a while, make me stop for a moment, look back and reconsider everything, and if not radically change, at least see them in a slightly different perspective - one makes room for something other than myself. Maybe i do want something more solid than my inconsistent whims - perhaps i don't see it as stalling dead weight, but some kind of an anchor to stop me when it's too stormy out there and too rough to sail. Maybe i'm afraid that without this weight i will get lost, as i let myself lose chasing all those winds and get pulled in too many directions to end up torn to thousand little pieces and not even a single thing to hold on to.