I say this is not merely a wait, but then i have to tell myself to be patient...
I say it's not about destination, yet i can hardly wait to finally get there...
I say that it does not matter where i am, and yet i find this uprooted state more than unsettling...
I say i am not afraid of pain, yet i turn to pills for even a slightest headache...

I contradict myself. Over and over again. Till when? How long do i have to continue throwing myself from one extreme to another, unable to find a safe spot in the middle...

I say that it's only a moment, merely the winter that needs to pass away- and yet, who am i kidding? I am this close to breaking down. And yet i still wonder what miracle is going to prevent it from happening this time and what it will take to find another fat lady who will play Jesus for me...

I feel like i'm living out a dream out of many dreams that are conflicted and in discord with one another...